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You are here:Open notes-->sexology-->THE-KAMA-SUTRA-OF-VATSYAYANA-Part-37


About Re-union with a Former Lover.

When a courtezan abandons her present lover after all his
wealth is exhausted, she may then consider about her reunion
with a former lover. But she should return to him
only if he has acquired fresh wealth, or is still wealthy, and
if he is still attached to her. And if this man be living at the
time with some other woman she should consider well before
she acts.
Now such a man can only be in one of the six following
conditions, viz. :
I St. He may have left the first woman of his own accord,
and may even have left another woman since then.
2nd. He may have been driven away from both women.
3rd. He may have left the one woman of his own accord,
and been driven away by the other.
4th. He may have left the one woman of his own accord,
and be living with another woman.
5th. He may have been driven away from the one woman,
and left the other of his own accord.
6th. He may have been driven away by the one woman,
and may be living with another.
(i) Now if the man has left both women of his own
accord, he should not be resorted to, on account of the fickleness
of nis mind, and his indifference to the excellences of
both of them.
(2) As regards the man who may have been driven away
from both women, if he has been driven away from the last
one because the woman could get more money from some
other man, then he should be resorted to, for if attached to
the first woman he would give her more money through
vanity and emulation to spite the other woman. But if he
has been driven away by the woman on account of his
poverty, or stinginess, he should not then be resorted to.
(3) In the case of the man who may have left the one
woman of his own accord, and been driven away by the
other, if he agrees to return to the former and give her plenty
of money beforehand, then he should be resorted to.
(4) In the case of the man who may have left the one
woman of his own accord, and be living with another
woman, the former (wishing to take up with him again) ,
should first ascertain if he left her in the first instance in the
hope of finding some particular excellence in the other
woman, and that not having found any such excellence, he
was willing to come back to her, and to give her much money
on account of his conduct, and on account of his affection still
existing for her.
Or, whether, having discovered many faults in the other
woman, he would now see even more excellences in herself
than actually exist, and would be prepared to give her much
money for these qualities.
Or, lastly, to consider whether he was a weak man, or a
man fond of enjoying many women, or one who liked a poor
woman, or one who never did anything for the woman that
he was with. After maturely considering all these things
she should resort to him or not, according to circumstances.
(5) As regards the man who may have been driven away
from the one woman, and left the other of his own accord,
the former woman (wishing to re-unite with him) , should
first ascertain whether he still has any affection for her, and
would consequently spend much money upon her; or
whether, being attached to her excellent qualities, he did not
take delight in any other women; or whether, being driven
away from her formerly before completely satisfying his
sexual desires, he wished to get back to her, so as to be revenged
for the injury done to him; or whether he wished to
create confidence in her mind, and then take back from her
the wealth which she formerly took from him, and finally
destroy her; or, lastly, whether he wished first to separate
her from her present lover, and then to break away from her
himself. If, after considering all these things, she is of
opinion that his intentions are really pure and honest, she
can re-unite herself with him. But if his mind be at all tainted
with evil intentions, he should be avoided.
(6) In the case of the man who may have been driven
away by one woman, and be living with another, if the
man makes overtures to return to the first one, the courtezan
should consider well before she acts, and while the other
woman is engaged in attracting him to herself, she should
try in her turn (though keeping herself behind the scenes)
to gain him over, on the grounds of any of the following
considerations, viz.:
I St. That he was driven away unjustly and for no proper
reason, and now that he has gone to another woman, every
effort must be used to bring him back to myself.
2nd. That if he were once to converse with me again, he
would break away from the other woman.
3rd. That the pride of my present lover would be put
down by means of the former one.
4th. That he has become wealthy, has secured a higher
position, and holds a place of authority under the King.
5 th. That he is separate from his wife.
6th. That he is now independent.
7th. That he lives apart from his father, ci|r brother.
8th. That by making peace with him, I shall be able to
get hold of a very rich man, who is now prevented from
coming to me by my present lover.
9th. That as he is not respected by his wife, I shall now
be able to separate him from her.
loth. That the friend of this man loves my rival, who
hates me cordially, I shall therefore by this means separate
the friend from his mistress.
iith. And lastly, I shall bring discredit upon him by
bringing him back to me, thus showing the fickleness of his
When a courtezan is resolved to take up again with a
former lover, her Pithamarda and other servants should tell
him that his former expulsion from the woman's house was
caused by the wickedness of her mother; that the woman
loved him just as much as ever at that time, but could not
help the occurrence on account of her deference to her
mother's will; that she hated the union of her present lover,
and disliked him excessively. In addition to this, they
should create confidence in his mind by speaking to him of
her former love for him, and should allude to the mark of
that love that she has ever remembered. This mark of her
love should be connected with some kind of pleasure that
may have been practiced by him, such as his way of kissing
her, or manner of having connection with her.
Thus end the ways of bringing about a re-union with a
former lover.
When a woman has to choose between two lovers, one
of whom was formerly united with her, while the other is
a stranger, the Acharyas (sages) are of opinion that the first
one is preferable, because his disposition and character being
already known by previous careful observation, he can be
easily pleased anci satisfied; but Vatsyayana thinks that a
former lover, having already spent a great deal of his wealth,
is not able or willing to give much money again, and is not
therefore to be relied upon so much as a stranger. Particular
cases may however, arise differing from this general rule on
account of the different natures of men.
There are also verses on the subject as follows:
"Re-union with a former lover may be desirable so as
to separate some particular woman from some particular
man, or some particular man from some particular woman,
or to have a certain effect upon the present lover."
"When a man is excessively attached to a woman, he is
afraid of her coming into contact with other men; he does not
then regard or notice her faults; and he gives her much
wealth through fear of her leaving him."
"A courtezan should be agreeable to the man who is attached
to her, and despise the man who does not care for her.
If while she is living with one man, a messenger comes to
her from some other man, she may either refuse to listen to
any negotiations on his part, or appoint a fixed time for him
to visit her, but she should not leave the man who may be
living with her and who may be attached to her."
"A wise woman should only renew her connection with
a former lover if she is satisfied that good fortune, gain, love,
and friendship are likely to be the result of such a re-union."


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